House/Cameron One Shot. Part I

« previous entry | next entry »
Mar. 10th, 2007 | 04:52 pm

That’s right, Part I.

For my first MST I decided to take on an author who is a little fuzzy on the concept of “one.” She wrote two pieces on the same theme, put them together as chapters, and considers them both “one shots.” And that’s probably a highlight of this OOC mess.

Disclaimer: All rights to House MD belong to David Shore, Heel and Toe Films and Bad Hat Harry Productions in association with NBC Universal Television Studio. I do not make any monetary profit from this fanfiction.

House is sitting at his desk, reading a medical journal, when the balcony door flies open. Wilson, obviously agitated, enters.
Wilson: House, how could you?
House: How could I what?
Wilson: *sputters* You… she… you swore you never…
House: Her who? What are you talking about?
Wilson: This! *slams hands holding fistful of papers on House’s desk* You lied to me, House!
House pulls the papers out of Wilson’s hands and briefly glances at the top sheet.
House: *shouting* Cameron, get in here. And bring your playmates with you.
Cameron, Chase and Foreman enter House’s office from the conference room.
Cameron: What’s the matter?
House: I’m not going to suffer through this alone. This is all your fault.
Cameron: What is?
House: Bad!fic!

Hi guys, this is a House and Cameron One Shot. I hope you like it so please read it and give me some feedback. I would so love to hear what you think of it. Also if you are a Naley fan, read my Naley One shot, it’s called [story name deleted to protect the identity of author!person and the sanity of the reading public]. Anyway, enjoy.

Chase: What’s a “Naley?”
Foreman: No idea. *checks website* Author!person got the title of her other fic wrong.

Disclaimer: I don’t own anything from One Tree Hill.

All: Huh?

Cameron could feel the sun on her face. She was in a kind of half awake, half asleep state lying in the bed under the covers. She reached out to the other side of the king size bed, but she didn’t find what she was looking for. The space beside her was cold. And she knew that he was probably already showered and was sitting on the coach watching his show.

Chase: Sounds like she was looking for a “who,” not a “what.” And why would he be sitting on a coach?
House: Maybe he had money on a game the coach’s team lost.
Foreman: I think it’s supposed to be “couch.” Actually, that paragraph isn’t too bad, although it could use a comma after “state.”

Suddenly she heard a loud noise of some sort coming from the kitchen. What was that? She thought.

Chase: “She thought.” Well, I guess there’s a first time for everything.
Cameron: *glares at Chase*

Cameron got up from bed and looked around for her bathrobe, so that she could cover her naked body. She quickly ran into the bathroom to see if it was there, but she couldn’t find it, and then she spotted one of House’s t-shirt’s lying on the floor. She grabbed it and pulled it over her head.

Wilson: House, why is your t-shirt lying on the floor of Cameron’s bathroom?
House: It’s a fic. It never happened.
Cameron: And it never will happen.

Cameron then ran as fast as she could down the stairs to the kitchen. Then she saw them. It put a huge smile to her face.

Cameron: Right. “It” ran up to me, and glued a smile to my face.

House was holding a pan in his hand and was deeply concentrated on making pancakes.

Chase: House now comes in a convenient concentrated form. Just add water.
Wilson: Making pancakes for you is my job.

Their little brown haired five-year-old girl was sitting on the counter. She had her hands in a bowl that seemed to contain flour.

Wilson: *anguished* You have a daughter with her?
House: *gently pets Wilson’s shoulder* It only “seemed” to contain flour. It’s really anthrax. I’m trying to get rid of the brat.

And then there was their oldest child, an eight-year-old blue eye who was watching his father make the pancakes. He looked so amazed and happy. He had grown so fast that Cameron sometimes couldn’t believe it.

Foreman: That should be “older child” unless there’s a third kid who’s locked in the basement and never mentioned.
Chase: Could be. Considering that this one is an eye, there’s no telling what hideous mutations their other children might have.
House: He’s obviously a retarded eye. Why else would he be amazed to see me add milk to a bowl of pancake mix?

It seemed as if none of them noticed that she was watching them and she didn’t really mind. She could get used to this. But Cameron knew from the look of House’s face that she would have to snap out of it and get him some painkillers right away.

Foreman: “On House’s face,” not “of.”
Cameron: *snaps fingers*
House: What are you doing?
Cameron: I’m snapping out of it. Author!person doesn’t say what “it” is, but I’m hoping this might help snap me out of this fic altogether.

“What is going on?” She asked referring to the kitchen mess. She couldn’t remember when was the last time she found the kids and House cooking. Actually on second thought they never cooked.

Foreman: Comma after “asked,” “actually” and “thought;” small “s” on the first “she” and lose “when was.”
Chase: *glancing ahead* Foreman, pace yourself. It gets worse.

“Well, well, good afternoon to you too.” House looked at her. She then noticed that he had a little bit of flour on his left cheek.

“You do realise that it is late afternoon missy,” He asked joking.

Foreman: Author!person isn’t English. Americans spell it “realize.” Also, “he” should be lower case and there should be a comma before “missy.”
Cameron: Who cares how you punctuate it? This is fair warning – anyone who calls me “missy” isn’t going to live long enough to regret it.

“House, what is going on? She asked again while trying to get the flower of his cheek.

Chase: The “flower of his cheek.” That directly below the sinus cavity, isn’t it?
House: Apparently my face is so dirty that plant life is now growing on it.
Wilson: I’ll get a washcloth and get it off.
House: Wilson, there is no “flour” or “flower” on my face.

“That is for me to know and for you to wonder”. He once again turned his attention to the stove and his waffles.

Chase: He’s making pancakes and waffles?
Wilson: I have a great waffle recipe. If I knew you liked them, I would have made them for you.
House: Wilson!

He had noticed that her hair was curled into loose waves. He loved it when she hair was curly.

Chase: Right, “she hair” is very nice when it’s curly.

“I was finishing up my clinic charts” She suddenly said. He looked at her, wondering what she was talking about. “That is the reason why I was so late to bed last night and that is the reason why I am up so late today”. She explained.

Foreman: She managed to make the same grammar mistake twice in the same paragraph. I’m going to explain once and then ignore it for the rest of this story. When you write a quotation followed by a dependent clause, you put a comma before the end quote. The first word of the dependent clause is only capitalized if it is a proper name.

“That is a dangerous thing too do, then Cuddy gets all happy about you doing your job. And thrust me, none of us want to see Cuddy happy”. He said.

Cuddy: *enters* House, are you talking about me behind my back?
House: Absolutely not. “Thrust me” Cuddy, I’d much rather do it to your front. Speaking of which, I’d be happy to thrust…
Cuddy and Wilson: House!

“She can be a real pain in the..” He suddenly realised the children were there. “Well, you know what I am talking about” He waved his hands in the air.

House: Why is fic!me waving his hands in the air?
Chase: Maybe you’re trying to do a magic trick and make this fic disappear. Then we can all go back to practicing medicine. *checks* Damn, it didn’t work.

“Mommy, look, I am making pancakes”. The little girl named joy said.

Cameron: I am not one of those people who would use creative capitalization when naming a child. Her name should be “Joy.”

“Yeah, I see that”. She then looked at House. “Why are my children covered in flour” She was once again looking for answers as to why House was in the kitchen and making pancakes. This was definitely once in a lifetime thing to see.

Foreman: Even if the quote isn’t followed by another clause, the end punctuation belongs inside the quotation marks. And she’s missing an “a” before “once.”

“These little people were so eager to be fed, and they just couldn’t wait for their mother to get up. That is why my dear wifey I am standing here making pancakes.”

Cameron: Okay, my warning includes calling me “wifey.” My name is Allison Cameron. I’m also okay with “Ally,” “dear” or “honey.” But no one gets to call me “wifey.”

Cameron raised her eyebrows and nodded her head. “And there is no other reason as to why you are doing this?” The little boy named Ethan giggled, as did the little girl, Joy.

She noticed that House was looking at them in an odd way, while his pointing finger covered his mouth.

She decided to not push it. Whatever it was she would find out sooner or later.

“I am going to take a shower, okay?” She looked at House. He just nodded while limping over to the little boy and taking the spoon away from him.

“I know you are up to something” She said to House and went upstairs to shower.

After she finished her shower she went downstairs again. The kitchen was not that bad, and at least Ethan and Joy were eating. However by the looks of their face the pancakes were not very good.

Foreman: Wow. She wrote six short, consecutive paragraphs that made sense and didn’t contain any unexpected grammar errors. It should, however, be “on their faces.” Plural.
Chase: Don’t forget that the boy is just a giant eye. He probably has to share a face with his sister.

“Where is your father?” she asked although knowing the answer. Joy confirmed it all when she said that her daddy had left for work.

This was starting to become a routine for them as a family now. Although they still had their shares of fights and troubles, House and Cameron were actually starting to appear as a functional family.

Cuddy: Appearances can be deceiving.

Cameron, to this day, couldn’t believe that House had managed to change so much. Not only himself, but also her soul. He would never let the people forget the House they all know, but he seemed to be a happier person. Although he didn’t show that side to that many people.

House: Her old soul was getting kind of ratty-looking. So I changed it for a nice, sparkling blue one to match my eyes.

Cameron remembered one of their dates. The one where he had told her that she didn’t love but she needed. That she was just looking for a new charity case. He listed a bunch of reasons as to why she couldn’t possibly love him. He was twice her age, he wasn’t great looking, or charming. He also told her that he didn’t consider himself as a nice person. In a way he was right. Okay so he maybe he was twice her age and not very nice to other people. He was, still is, great looking, that’s for sure. When he told her that she needed he was right. She did need someone to love and someone that she could thrust as well as spend her life with. She still does and she likes to believe that she has found that in him.

Chase: Shouldn’t the two of you save all that thrusting for the sex scene.
Wilson: Sex scene?
House: No sex scenes. It’s rated “T.”
Cameron: Thank god!

House told her once that she wasn’t the only one who needed, he felt sometimes the same way. But when she would try to bring it up again he would just change the subject. So they never really talked about it again.

House: The only thing I “need” is to break all of author!person’s fingers so she can never write again.

A few years ago, just as Cameron was finishing her clinic hours House came up to her and asked out. Just like that. She figured it had something to do with her soon leaving and therefore he would want to take a great opportunity to crush her once again. After a lot of convincing from Wilson, she said yes. Oddly, she had actually enjoyed herself that night. Unfortunately, or fortunately, depends on how you look at it, she and House and managed to get drunk and lived the dream they so often dreamt about eachother.

Wilson: Why would I try to convince Cameron to go out with House?
House: Apparently in order for me to crush her again. I don’t remember crushing her before, but it sounds like a good idea. I could scrape what was left of her off the bottom of my shoe and be done with this fic.
Foreman: Comma after “hours.” And I’m not going to touch that last sentence.

So nights after nights they keeped on seeing each other and after a while, they fell in love. Cameron couldn’t believe it when House had told her that he had feelings for her. She just stood there for about five minutes not knowing what to say. Then she told him that she felt the same way and the next thing she knew they had gotten married.

Cuddy: Foreman, you’re the neurologist. I want you to do a full work-up on Cameron. She has complete amnesia from the time she told House that she reciprocated his feelings until after their marriage. I can’t have a doctor with major memory lapses practicing in this hospital.
Chase: It would explain a lot.
Cameron: *glares at Chase*
Chase: What? Why else would you have keeped seeing him nights after nights?
Foreman: Who cares why, as long as it gets me out of reading this fic. You guys carry on. I’ll go into the other room to schedule Cameron’s tests.

“Mommy, the pancakes are getting cold” Ethan said. “Yeah, mommy, eat this horrible food” Joy said.

Cameron looked at her “ You have been listening to your father way to much”. Cameron knew that House tried his best to keep his comments to himself when he was around the children. But somehow when the comments came out, he would look at her with an innocent face expression and say “It just slipped”. This happened a lot around Foreman and Chase as well as with Wilson and Cuddy. Especially around Cuddy.

Chase: Hey, author!person. Don’t bring me into this mess. If Ethan, The Eye, is eight years old, I’ve finished my fellowship and moved on. To another state. Preferably one on the other side of the country.
Cuddy: It’s a good thing I sent Foreman out of the room. That’s the second time author!person mixed up “to” and “too.”

The day had gone by very fast by and Cameron was done cleaning the kitchen and now she just wanted to realax on the couch with a good book.

Cameron: Oh, I want a “real ax” alright. I’ll use on anyone who tries to call me “missy.”

“Oh my pretty wife, where are you?. House yelled from the hallway. Cameron got up and smiled at him.

“You do realise that it is almost eight O’clock and the kids are slepping”. This was her way of teasing him, by pretending to be serious and mad. But she didn’t last long as he leaned on his cane and tickled her with his other hand.

All: *look for Foreman*
Wilson: I’ll do it. “O’clock” should have a lower case “o,” the kids are “sleeping” and stop tickling her.

Cameron managed to escape from his tickling and sat on the couch once again. He walked beside her and while walking towards their bedroom, he said “Wanna joing your hubby in the bedroom?”. She looked at him and shrugged. She then got up which put a smirk on his face.

House: Cameron standing up always puts a smirk on my face.
Chase: “Joing” sounds filthy, which is guess is appropriate in this context.

When she had managed to get her cute little but, as House was fond of calling it, up to their bedroom, Cameron found House sitting on the bed with something in his hands. It looked like a present.

House: No ifs, ands or buts about it, I would never call her butt a “cute, little but.”
Wilson: You’d better not call anything about her “cute.”

“What are you doing” She asked “And what are you hiding?”.

He chuckled. “Wow, aren’t we couries today”. Cameron smiled.

All: *silence*
Chase: Maybe she means…
House: Doubt it.

House had a though time admitting it, but he always loved it when she would smile. She had some sort of power, it was enough to light up an entire room. That was the reason why he devote so much of his time to make her smile.

Cuddy: House never has a “though” time admitting anything.

House looked at the spot next to him on the bed. “Are you just going to stand there?”. “Come and sit next to me and take vicodin with you”.

Cameron: How romantic. And Vicodin is a brand name. It starts with a capital letter.

Camerom took the bottle which contained vicodin from the shelf near the door, and sat down on the bed next to him. She handed him the painkillers and some water, which was lying on the night stand. He swallowed two vicodin, but his other hand was still covering something.

“What is that?” She pointed at his hand. “What are you hiding?”.

He uncovered somesort of present. She looked at it couries as to what he was up too. “Here, take a look at it”. House gave it to Cameron.

Cameron: That’s the second time author!person has called me “couries.” I have never been couries in my life!
Chase: She’s not talking about you. She’s talking about someone named “Camerom.”
Cameron: Well, what’s she doing in my husband’s bedroom?
House: Cameron!
Cameron: *mutters* Sorry.

She opened it and saw a neckless. It was the same one that she showed to Foreman and said that she would want to buy it.

Chase: It’s less a neck and more a pair of earrings.

“Foreman told me and pluss you have been starting at that neckless every time we passed by the store.” He told her. She smiled and said “Thank you”.

House: I know I have a slight speech impediment. But I can say “plus” and “necklace” without hissing.

House leaned on his cane and got up from bed. “Come on” He waved his hand as a way to show her that she should follow him.

She got up and walked behind him as he went down to Ethan and Joy’s bedroom. He was about to open the door however he felt Cameron’s hand on his shoulder. “They are sleeping, remember?” She whispered.

Cameron: We’re both doctors. We can’t afford a house with three bedrooms so our son and daughter don’t have to sleep together?

“Oh, they have you fooled” He opened the door. Cameron saw Ethan and Joy sitting on Ethan’s bed hiding something behind their back. House looked at her “I am their father, remember?”. She had to laugh, She couldn’t believe that they weren’t actually sleeping.

Chase: Only one back. Looks like Joy also has to share her back with The Eye.
Cameron: I was so shocked that two children were actually not sleeping that I passed out and didn’t wake up until the fic was over.
House: Nice try. Keep reading.

She didn’t know if she should be mad or happy. “Happy mother’s day, mommy” Ethan and Joy said.

Foreman: *yelling from conference room* Did she remember to capitalize “Mother’s Day?”
All: No.

And then it hit her. It was in fact mother’s day today. No wonder House and the children were cooking in the kitchen and no wonder that he had let her sleep that long. He never let her sleep without having him drag her out of the bed claiming that he was bored and wanted her to entartain him.

Wilson: House, I’ll “entartain” you any time you want. [A/N: “Entartain” is tough to type. Word keeps correcting it automatically.]
House: I’m a night owl. It’s canon. Why would I regularly wake up first?

“Here mommy”. Joy said as Ethan handed her a small present. She took it and opened it. It was a book. House sat down with the children on the bed wanttin to se her reaction. When she smiled he knew he did something good.

Chase: “Wanttin to se?”
House: Maybe she means “wanton.” *leers*
Cameron and Wilson: House!

“Thank you so much. All of you” Cameron kissed Ethan and Joy on the cheek. House started limping towards the door. “Okay, go to sleep now”. He looked at Ethan and Joy.

It was his idea to name the children Ethan and Joy. He rememberd when Ethan was born. It was near Chrismas and Cameron was visiting Chase and Foreman while he stayed at home and then suddenly she called him saying that she was in labor. On his way to the hospital to see Cameron, he got stuck in traffic.

Cuddy: That’s not unusual at Chrismas. Traffic is almost as bad then as it is at Christmas.

He was scared that day but he never told it to anyone. When House saw his newborn son he knew that he would want name him Ethan. After his grandfather. Unlike the relationship he had with his father, House was very fond of his grandfather. Mostly because his grandfather would listen to him and watch television with him.

House: I was right to be scared. She gave birth to a giant eyeball.
Chase: Did they even have television when you were a kid?
House: *glares at Chase*

Now those days were gone. House was a father. Who would have seen that one? He thought. Cameron smiled at their children and stood by House. “Good night and thank you” Then she turned to House. “Wanna go to bed?”. House smirked “Sure” and followed Cameron. He wasn’t in the mood to sleep that much.

Chase: First Cameron thought and now House did. It must be contagious.
Cuddy: By any chance, was that thought about how you should be getting back to work?
House: Nope. I was thinking about the sequel.
Cameron: *desperate* But it’s a “one shot.” It says so.
House: It looks like author!person wrote two one shots. She then put them together in the same fic, kind of like chapters.
Chase: Fine. Whatever.
House: You guys take a break in the other room. I need a few minutes with Wilson to discuss the difference between fiction and reality.
As Cameron, Chase and Cuddy rush from the room, House yells: But I want you back here in twenty minutes!

Author's Note: Hey, guys. Hope you liked reading this. Please let me know what you think!

All: Trust us, author!person. You don’t want to know what we think.

Chapter II

Link | Leave a comment
| Add to Memories | Share

Comments {27}

(no subject)

from: irenadorable
date: Mar. 11th, 2007 12:10 am (UTC)
Link

Awful, awful fic. Word capitalizes "Vicodin" for me, it clearly doesn't for the author-person.

Funny MST. Loved the stuff about "The Eye".

Poeia - House/Cameron One Shot. Part I

Page Summary